Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A-Z CDs - Day 58

484. Andrew W.K. - I Get Wet (last listen: 1-2 years) - High-powered, energetic, anthemic (sometimes almost Meat Loaf-esque), metallic punk about partying ("It's Time to Party," "Party Hard," "Party Til You Puke") from the son of a University of Michigan law professor. Good stuff.
485. Andrew W.K. - The Wolf (last listen: 1-2 years) - Ditto ("Long Live the Party").
486. Wolfmother - Wolfmother (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - If you like early Zeppelin or early Black Sabbath (or possibly The MC5, both on account of the music and the lead singers' 'fros), then you should like Wolfmother.
487. The Wonder Years: Music from The Emmy Award-Winning Show and Its Era (last listen: 2-5 years) - I would stab you, Joe. That's what I would do.
488. Neil Young - Decade (last listen: 5+ years) - For one reason or another, I've never really gotten into Neil Young. This 35-song double album follows Young from Buffalo Springfield through 1977 (as with the Sex Pistols' Nevermind the Bollocks, this was released the day before I was born). I've always liked "Cinnamon Girl," and "Helpless" is one of the better CSNY songs. "Down By the River" is good.
489. ZZ Top - Greatest Hits (last listen: 5+ years) - I always forget how many hits ZZ Top had: "Legs," "Sharp Dressed Man," "LaGrange," "Gimme All Your Lovin'," "Tush," "Cheap Sunglasses," and "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide," to name a few. I am also a fan of some of their lesser-known hits, such as "Pearl Necklace," "Got Me Under Pressure," and "Tube Snake Boogie."
[Thus ends the non-compilations, and tomorrow begins the compilations]

Monday, July 30, 2007

A-Z CDs - Day 57

474. The White Stripes - The White Stripes (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - The 1999 debut from what I think is now the best rock and roll band in the world. This album is stripped-down, blues-inspired garage rock. It's still baffling how that much sound comes out of only two people.
475. The White Stripes - De Stijl (last listen: 0-3 months) - This is probably my favorite White Stripes album, although that title changes frequently. De Stijl is a solid mix of blues rock, garage rock, and stripped-down acoustic ballads. "You're Pretty Good Looking (For a Girl)" is one of my favorite White Stripes songs. "Truth Doesn't Make a Noise" is intense.
476. The White Stripes - White Blood Cells (last listen: 0-3 months) - This was their 2001 breakthrough album, featuring "Fell In Love With a Girl," "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground," and "We're Going To Be Friends." It's a phenomenal album, and Jack's diversity in songwriting begins to show. "Offend in Every Way" is a great song. "Hotel Yorba" could very well be on The Beatles' Let It Be. The fact that this album was recorded in ten days is amazing.
477. The White Stripes - Elephant (last listen: 0-3 months) - Of course you all know "Seven Nation Army" and possibly "The Hardest Button to Button," but this album is chockfull of great songs. "There's No Home For You Here" is awesome. Their version of the Burt Bacharach penned "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself" is a frenzied crescendo of goodness. "Ball and A Biscuit" is raunchy blues, and could very well be on Led Zeppelin I or II. If nothing else, this album showed that Jack White is as good a guitarist as anyone else.
478. The White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - With this album, Jack White showed just how diverse his songwriting can be, with ball-busting rock, hook-laden pop songs, ballads, blues, bluegrass, Lady-Madonna-esque soulful rock, and toungue-in-cheek fun songs. This is easily the most eclectic White Stripes album, with songs borrowing from the Beatles, Motown, Led Zeppelin, David Bowie, Queen, soul, the blues, C&W, bluegrass, and calypso. There is more piano and less guitar in this album than in past albums. Jack's songwriting is as colorful and imaginative as it's ever been. "My Doorbell" is catchy as hell. "Blue Orchid" is a metal-inspired rocker. "Forever For Her (Is Over For Me)" is a nice, soulful ballad with marimbas (which they somehow make work really well here without sounding cheesy). "Denial Twist" is solid. "As Ugly As I Seem" is an uptempo, stripped-down acoustic song that could easily fit onto Led Zeppelin III or IV. "I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet)" is a perfect bar ballad. Bottom line: The White Stripes fucking rule.
479. The White Stripes - Walking With a Ghost (single) (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - In addition to the cover or Tegan and Sara's "Walking With a Ghost," this has live versions of "Screwdriver" (from their debut) and "Same Boy You've Always Known" (from White Blood Cells) and live on-the-air versions of "As Ugly As I Seem" and "Denial Twist." From Get Behind Me Satan.
480. The White Stripes - Icky Thump (last listen: 0-3 months) - This is their newest album, which came out in June. I've only listened to it a few times, on account of this A-Z thing, but it's pretty damn good. The title track is thumping, as the title implies. I'm a really big fan of "Rag and Bone."
481. The Who - Who's Better Who's Best: The Very Best Of (last listen: 1-2 years) - "Baba O'Riley" is just so damn good, it's sick. "The Kids Are Alright" is a song I can always listen to, and "Pictures of Lily" is about masturbation, so that's cool. "I Can't Explain" is also awesome.
482. The Why Store - The Why Store (last listen: 2-5 years) - Anyone who spent time in Indiana in the mid '90s knows these guys. They had a regional hit with "Lack of Water," which is still catchy as hell.
483. Brian Wilson - Smile (last listen: 1-2 years) - Probably the most anticipated delayed album in rock history (yes, even more so than the still-unreleased Chinese Democracy), this was the album that the Beach Boys were in the midst of recording when Brian Wilson had his infamous nervous breakdown.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Bestiality, Celibacy, and Trannies

Sheep Asked For It, Sheep Wanted It, and Sheep Got It
Christoff alerted me to a disturbing story. Those damn kids are up to it again. When I was growing up, all we did was drink pineapple brandy and maybe smoke a little grass to get our kicks. Sure, every now and then we'd torch a giant stuffed bear on the sidewalk in front of an enemy's house or hunt homeless people for sport, but having sex with sheep never even entered the conversation. The same cannot be said for Roger Henderson II, 18, of Sherborn, Massachusetts. He was caught on video raping some farmer's poor sheep. Here is a description of the video:
"Henderson is observed in sheep pen grabbing a sheep by its hind legs and dragging it to the corner of the stall. Henderson removes his clothes and appears to have sexual relations with the sheep. Upon finishing, Henderson puts his pants back on and leaves the barn area with his shirt in his hand."

Not only is it hilarious that this guy had sex with a sheep, and not only is it hilarious that he apparently took off ALL of his clothes to do so, but he was apparently so exhausted from the whole affair that he couldn't bear to put his shirt back on. As of now, it is unclear as to whether Henderson will invoke the following time-honored defenses:

  • "You could tell she wanted it by what she was wearing, or should I say, what she wasn't wearing"
  • "If she didn't want to have sex, then why was her fleece so soft?"
  • "'Baaahhhh' means 'yes.'"
As if it wasn't humiliating enough to be caught on film during an otherwise intimate moment with a woolly ruminant quadruped, young Roger (pronounced "sheep fucker") was released to his parents, but only "on the condition that he stay at least 30 yards away from Boggastow Farm, where the alleged bestiality took place, and animals in general."

Where in the world can you be that's 30 yards away from "animals in general"? And what if he has pets, the poor bastards? "Hey Mom, I'm going to take Sparky out for a walk." "Okay Roger. Make sure she goes number one and number--actually, on second thought, I'll take care of it."

Christoff suggested that, when he gets caught making love to a sheep, he would rather stay in jail than be forced to endure the car ride home with his human-fucking father. For me, that would be the least of my concerns. No matter what this guy does for the rest of his life, he will be known as a sheep fucker. Kind of like how I can't escape the "only guy who's ever had sex with both Elisabeth Shue and Claudia Wells, at the same time, in a DeLorean" tag. Look people, it was 20 years ago. I'm over it.

So listening to Weezer made me think of how lead singer Rivers Cuomo was celibate for over two years, from 2003-2005. Granted, he's a Phi Beta Kappa Harvard grad, but that just seems fucking stupid. Not only does the prospect of celibacy frighten and annoy me, but it also left me with some questions. Does that include just sex or does it include any sort of ejaculation? For instance, say a guy masturbates 2 or 3 times a day for the past 17 years, and then just gives it up cold turkey on account of an irrational decision to become celibate. His body has been conditioned to produce a certain amount of seminal fluid based upon this regimented schedule of emission. Thus, said fluid builds up in the seminal vesicles, which can only hold so much. One night he's dreaming about something inane like watching TV, taking a test, or participating in a Roman orgy, and the next morning he wakes up with starched sheets. Technically is he still celibate? How does he broach the subject with his fellow celibates? Or does he even bring it up for fear that they might question his commitment to celibacy? These are the kind of things I think of while eating a turkey sandwich at my desk for lunch.

Do you think trannies ever say, "You've got a pretty big dick. For a girl!"

Friday, July 27, 2007

A-Z CDs - Day 56

464. Warren G - Regulate . . . G-Funk Era (last listen: 2-5 years) - A pretty good album from Dre's step-brother, featuring the megahit "Regulate" (with Nate Dogg), "Do You See," and "This DJ." I also enjoyed the "'94 Ho Draft," which features the classic lines, "Also we got Amy, that jaw-jackin' bitch from the west side. . . . Also, we got Melanie from the north side, aka Yeasty, aka Wonderbread, or Flame On."
465. Muddy Waters - Muddy "Mississippi" Waters Live (last listen: 1-2 years) - Arguably the best live blues album of all-time, it contains the quintessential version of "Mannish Boy," complete with audience cheers.
466. Muddy Waters - Best Of (last listen: 3 months to 1 year)
467. Welcome to Cambridge - EP (last listen: never) - Some guys from this band were handing out CDs on the street one day. Here's their MySpace page. It's unclear if their name is anti-Oxford or not. If it had a "Bitch" at the end of it, then obviously it would be.
468. Weezer - Weezer (blue album) (last listen: 0-3 months) - One of my favorite albums of all-time. My favorite songs are "No One Else" and "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here." Of course this album also features "Buddy Holly," "Say It Ain't So," and "Undone - The Sweater Song," all of which are awesome.
469. Weezer - Pinkerton (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - This was the most recently purchased of my Weezer albums, and it's a peach. The songs are solid, and often tongue-in-cheek. "Pink Triangle" includes the lines, "Everyone's a little queer / Why can't she be a little straight? / I'm dumped / She's a lesbian." And of course "El Scorcho" kicks off with the line, "Goddamn you half-Japanese girls, do it to me every time." "Tired of Sex" is good, too, and somewhat ironic considering that lead singer and songwriter Rivers Cuomo would take a vow of celibacy a mere seven years after this album came out.
470. Weezer - Weezer (green album) (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - "Island in the Sun" is my favorite off this one.
471. Weezer - Maladroit (last listen: 1-2 years) - "Keep Fishin'" and "Slob" are my favorites off this one, which has a little bit more of an edge than the previous three albums.
472. Kanye West - The College Dropout (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - Personally, I like this album better than Late Registration, especially "All Falls Down" and "Slow Jamz" (featuring Jamie Foxx and the motor mouthed Twista) (I like the line, "She's got a light-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson / Got a dark-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson"). "Jesus Walks" is good, and I've always liked "Through the Wire."
473. Kanye West - Late Registration (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I think she IS a gold digger.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 7/26/07

I worked from home today, so I didn't listen to any CDs (just my Hair Band Friday station on Pandora). Anyway, here's Midwestern Eavesdropping. I pretty much carried it this week.

Fratty guy talking on cell phone: "We're at a bar. It's called Celona. Like the country."
--Chicago, Bar Celona, 3474 N. Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy leaving bar, holding pack of cigarettes walk past group of people standing outside bar.
Guy (to group): "Do any of you guys want a pack of cigarettes? I only smoked two."
Girl in group: "No thanks. None of us smoke."
Another girl in group: "If I was homeless I would smoke them."
--Chicago, Sheffield & Oakdale
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Late 20s female to late 20s male: "So tell me what does a bricklayer do, lay bricks?"
--Chicago, Fiesta Mexicana
Eavesdropper: Trashton

Astonished twentysomething female to three males: "You've never been bit by a goose or water fowl?" (several seconds later) "You've never been bit by a duck?"
--Chicago, Tilli's, Halsted & Armitage
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Astonished twentysomething female to people she was dining with: "What, you've never made you're own pickles?"
--Chicago, TaTong, Lincoln & Wellington
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Young 20s male, walking through courthouse parking lot, talking on cell phone: "I have a license -- I have two" (pause) "Yeah, I have no idea how that happened."
--Bridgeview, IL, courthouse parking lot, 10220 S. 76th Ave.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Not really eavesdropping, but pretty funny:
HUGE woman wearing a t-shirt that says: "I'm not the girl next door. I'm the bitch from down the block."
--Chicago, Target, Elston & Logan
Eavesdropper: GMYH

So that's it. I expect a better effort from the rest of you next week. When you overhear something hilarious, or even mildly funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and I'll sure as shit include it in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Fold or Wad?

Last night I made my somewhat triumphant return to trivia at Rocks after a two-week hiatus. Our team, Tammy Faye: One Dog Michael Vick Didn't Kill, was comprised of me, Gregerson, Dan Weeser* (kudos for coming up with the team name), Remus, and Greg's friend Andy. Long story short, we finished in second place, so we got to choose a round for next week. The "name that tune" round will be all hair band music. Giddy up. In other news, I ran into Kyle "Needles and" Pynn at Rocks. Apparently he recently moved to Chicago. He's still taller than me.

New Book
As threatened, I started reading Hammer of the Gods by Stephen Davis. For those of you who don't know, Hammer of the Gods is the definitive Led Zeppelin biography. I'm only about 60 pages in, and it's been a quick read so far. No penetration with shark fins yet.

New Poll
Thanks to everyone who voted Erin Esurance (42%) to a resounding hotness victory over Hannah Montana (34%) and Kim Possible (23%). This week's poll asks the eternal question about toilet paper: Do you fold or do you wad? Personally, I'm a folder. Wadding seems to bring with it unpredictability and a greater chance of uncleanliness.

A-Z CDs - Day 55

Unfortunately I was busy at work, so I didn't have time to comment much, which sucks because I really like Velvet Underground.
455. Velvet Underground - Peel Slowly and See Box Set Disc 2 (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - This CD contains the album The Velvet Underground and Nico, as well as others.
456. Velvet Underground - Peel Slowly and See Box Set Disc 3 (last listen: 0-3 months) - This one is White Light/White Heat, plus others.
457. Velvet Underground - Peel Slowly and See Box Set Disc 4 (last listen: 0-3 months) - This one is The Velvet Underground (the album, not just a recitation of the band name), plus others.
458. Velvet Underground - Peel Slowly and See Box Set Disc 5 (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - This one is Loaded, plus others. It has the full version of "Sweet Jane," so that's cool.
459. Velvet Underground - Best Of (last listen: 2-5 years) - Good primer for someone looking to get into Velvet Underground.
460. The Verve Pipe - Villains (last listen: never)
461. The Vines - Fuck the World (single) (last listen: 2-5 years) - I don't know when I got this single (it was definitely free), but I definitely share its sentiment.
462. The Wallflowers - Bringing Down the Horse (last listen: 5+ years) - This album was huge my freshman year of college.
463. Warrant - Cherry Pie (last listen: 0-3 months) - When I bought this, I got it used and didn't realize it was the "clean" version. Not that there is a ton of swearing on it, but a beep here and there is annoying.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

"Earn Your First Dollar in Seven Years"

Clark and Michael
For you Arrested Development fans out there, I have a site for you: Clark and Michael. It features a bunch of webisodes featuring Michael Cera (who played George-Michael on Arrested Development) and his friend Clark Duke (who is on the new ABC Family show, Greek) as they fictitiously try to pitch their fictitious screenplay, fictitiously. Arrested Development writer Michael Hurwitz plays their agent. It's funny stuff. In particular, the intro to episode 9 is pretty damn funny. Thanks to Australian Andrew for the link.

Well, Brady Quinn has shown Cleveland Browns fans what I've known for several years now: He is a giant douchebag. Apparently he had an autograph session at a Cleveland-area mall where fans foolishly showed up thinking that they wouldn't have to pay a MINIMUM of $75 for an autograph (thanks to Christoff for the link). Good thinking, Brady. Even if it wasn't your idea, maybe you should use your brain before agreeing to anything your handlers suggest. If there's any way for a rookie to endear himself to his hometown fans, it's by (1) holding out, even though you're overrated and got picked at #22 instead of top 10 and (2) charging exorbitant amounts of money for autographs (without telling anyone) despite the fact that you've never set foot on an NFL field. Get a haircut, asshole.

For those of you who haven't heard, Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession . . . AGAIN. This girl is a fucking genius as far as I can tell.

A-Z CDs - Day 54

445. The Tragically Hip - Music @ Work (last listen: never) - Another Dubai refugee. Chenandler Bong always raves about The Tragically Hip, but maybe this isn't the album he was talking about (it was released in 2000 and was their 7th album). It's okay, but there's nothing particularly great about it. I'm sure my Canadian readers will disagree.
446. 2Pac - Strictly for My N.I.G.G.A.Z. (last listen: 2-5 years) - This is one of the first ten CDs I ever bought. Technically I guess this should have been at the beginning with the numbered artists, but it's my CD collection, so I'll categorize it however the hell I please. "I Get Around" is my favorite Tupac song. "Holler If Ya Hear Me" has been on my running/exercise mix for over 10 years. "Keep Your Head Up" is great as well, sampling The Five Stairsteps' "Ooh Ooh Child."
447. U2 - Pop (last listen: 5+ years) - Another CD I commandeered from my brother's CD collection a few weeks ago. I didn't necessarily want it, but it's payback for him getting it in the first place. You see, about 8 or 9 years ago, the guy my mom was dating had this CD and apparently was unimpressed, so he asked Reed and me if one of us wanted it. I said "yes," which prompted Reed to say "yes," and somehow Reed got it. It's mine now, bitch.
448. V Sparks - EP (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - I got this when I saw V Sparks at The Kinetic Playground back in February. It's only 3 songs, but I like them all. As I said back then, they have a definite '70s glam leaning, which I like. I enjoy the first line from the song, "Making Friends": "Tell me, how does it feel / To get paid by the hour?" Check out their MySpace page for some songs.
449. Van Halen - Van Halen (last listen: 0-3 months) - Like Joe Dirt, I've always been a bigger Van Halen fan than Van Hagar, and this album shows why. It has more energy than their stuff with Sammy Hagar (not that that stuff is bad), and Sammy just can't match David Lee Roth's howl. This is a great debut album, including VH classics such as "Runnin' With the Devil," Eddie Van Halen's instrumental guitar masterpiece "Eruption," their cover of The Kinks' "You Really Got Me," "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" (which has a great introductory riff, sampled famously by 2 Live Crew on "The Fuck Shop") and "Jamie's Cryin'." My favorite song on the album is "Ice Cream Man," and "I'm the One" pretty badass. Then again, there really isn't a bad song on the album.
450. Van Halen - Van Halen II (last listen: never) - I bought this and Women and Children First recently, but have not yet listened to them before today. This album isn't as heavy on hits as their debut, but it has a few gems, including "Dance the Night Away," "Beautiful Girls" (which will forever remind me of the early '90s SNL fake commercial for Schmitt's Gay with Farley and Sandler, which featured this song), and "Bottoms Up!"
451. Van Halen - Women and Children First (last listen: never) - This album's two biggest songs are probably "And the Cradle Will Rock. . ." and "Everybody Wants Some!" (featured in Better Off Dead). "Romeo Delight" is pretty solid, and "Loss of Control" is a good frantic listen. Listening to all this Van Halen reminds me that I need to get 1984 (which I have on tape) and Fair Warning on CD, and maybe even Diver Down while I'm at it.
452. Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble - Greatest Hits (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - What can you say about Stevie Ray except that he's one of the best ever? "Texas Flood" is awesome. Other favorites are "Cold Shot" and "The House Is Rockin'."
453. Velvet Revolver - Contraband (last listen: 1-2 years) - When you form a band with Scott Weiland (former Stone Temple Pilots lead singer) and former Guns N' Roses members Slash, Duff McKagan, and Matt Sorum, and some other dude named Dave Kushner (Suicidal Tendencies, Wasted Youth), you know the result is going to be rockin'. Indeed, it is. Contraband is straightforward hard rock.
454. Velvet Underground - Peel Slowly and See Box Set Disc 1 (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - This CD contains demos of six songs (yet is over 78 minutes), including "Heroin" (my favorite VU song), "Venus In Furs," "I'm Waiting For the Man," and "All Tomorrow's Parties."

Monday, July 23, 2007

Emperor or Rockhopper?

Many apologies for not posting anything last Friday. I forgot to email myself the Word document from work that contained the many insightful tidbits I was to post (as well as my A-Z list and comments). Fear not, though, because this post will be extra long to make up for it.

Out Please
You know what chaps my ass more than Jessie's bullwhip? When people on elevators or elevated railcars say "out please" when they want to exit. If you've ever heard someone say "out please," then you know the phrase can't be said without the person coming across as a complete asshole. The "please" does nothing towards making it polite in anyway. These uncouth people might as well drop the "please" and just say "out." It's never said quietly either. Rather, it's always a forceful "Out please!", as if to imply that the people in front of the person are trapping him or her on the elevator or elevated railcar in question. It's obnoxious. Some old dude did it Wednesday morning in the elevator at the courthouse, and I nearly grabbed his cane and tripped him with it. My favorite, though, is when people on the L say it, especially when the train is approaching a big stop. Usually it's a 40-something woman standing about five people deep, with shoulder pads, expensive jewelry, and no idea that half of the fucking train will be exiting, including all of those people in front of her who are facing the door. In the situations when you do need to move past someone to exit an elevator or an elevated railcar, a simple "excuse me" is more than effective, and you won't come across as a jackass.

The Greatest American Hero
So Thursday night I went to a work function for our summers. It ended at 9. A few of us decided to go out for "a beer" afterwards, which obviously meant that I rolled into bed at 1:37 a.m. You know, because Fridays are just too predictable without beer shits.

Gastrointestinal issues aside, I heard perhaps one of the best stories of all-time Thursday night. We were talking about crazy stories we've heard from teachers, and one of my co-workers said that she had the best story. I immediately said, "Let's hear it, but I bet I can beat it," thinking that nothing can top the teacher in Amy "Clalahan" Belanger's school who caught two third graders naked, having sex behind the teacher's desk while they were supposed to be at recess. Well, my friends, I was wrong. This one beats it.

Apparently, my co-worker's friend teaches kids with behavioral disorders (she was not sure how old the kids were, but estimated between 6 and 12). They went on a field trip to one of the zoos here in Chicago (it was unclear whether it was Brookfield or Lincoln Park). When the class reconvened on the bus after the field trip, one of the more rambunctious kids -- we'll call him Billy -- was missing. After a search, they found Billy. He was drenched from head to toe. His clothes were soaked. His shoes were soaked. His backpack was soaked. Why, you ask? Well, a simple unzipping of Billy's backpack revealed the answer. In his backpack was a penguin. Yes, a living, breathing penguin. Billy had somehow managed to sneak into the penguin exhibit without anyone noticing, and then track down a penguin, possibly by swimming. Imagine this scene: you're minding your own business, watching some penguins swim around through the glass, and then this kid with a backpack dives headfirst into the tank and vehemently swims after one of the penguins. About 12 feet down, he finally catches one, crams it in his backpack, puts his backpack back on, heads back up to the surface, looks around, then climbs out of the tank and goes on his way as if he is not completely soaked in water and carrying a penguin in his backpack. Billy is my hero.

Then the teacher had to go give the penguin back. How does that conversation go? "Uh, I think this belongs to you." I guess it's a good thing he didn't want a wolf or a bear.

Pi Kapp Blog
Have you ever thought to yourself, "You know, there just aren't enough blogs out there that deal with stories about IU Pi Kapps getting drunk and doing crazy stuff"? Well, you're in luck. Steating and Chealing, a blog recently started by the elder Davidson, deals with that exact topic. Enjoy, and hope that your name doesn't come up.

Ever wonder what a whippet on steroids would look like? Well, check out this article. Thanks to Holt for the link.

The weekend was fairly low key. Friday night, I broke out of my softball slump, going 2-3 and miraculously hitting the ball out of the infield TWICE. Unfortunately, Vandaley Industries suffered its second loss of the season, dropping us into a tie for first place.

After the game, Jester and I headed to the heart of Lincoln Park trixie country to Tilli's, where several compatriots were having a celebration for the impending birthday of Greg "Joey Baits" Bohmann, as well as their friend Jaime (who shares a birthday with Greg). In attendance were the likes of The Floppy Burrito, Dennis & Colleen, Monty Hall, and at least one member of All Things Lucid. Unsatisfied with our state of inebriation once Tilli's closed, we headed to The Store for some pop-a-shot and Silver Strike. Unsatisfied with her state of hunger, Jester insisted that she and I go to Bamba's. She got her standard bean and avocado burrito with a side of cheese sauce, and I went with the super steak nachos. You know, because sleep just isn't healthy enough without 1,000 extra calories.

Saturday was also low key. Jester and I took Harley over by the lake to chase some squirrels and homeless people. On the way back we stopped at Tim Weeser*'s place, where he was BBQing before the Jimmy Buffett concert, along with Dan and Noreen, Lutzow and Katie, Myers, and Christoff, who decided to finish off the juice left behind in the tub of rum-soaked watermelon chunk. After he finished it off, he yelled, "Old school Padres hats and alcoholic watermelon juice! That's what fuckin' Buffett's all about. Wooo!" (unfortunately I accidentally deleted the picture of this)

Jester and I spent much of the rest of Saturday afternoon and early evening watching The Drug Years multiple-part documentary on VH1. I found it somewhat hilarious that there were various major publications and scientific articles in the early to mid '70s that said that cocaine was not addictive.

After knocking back a couple grams of blow, Jester and I went to Pat's (the Italian restaurant at Lincoln and Seminary, not Sajak's house) for dinner. It was a nice evening, so we figured we'd sit outside (they have a decent amount of tables set up on the sidewalk along Seminary). Big mistake. Sitting at the table next to us was a group of about 12, including four children under 5. If I would have behaved like these kids were behaving, my dad would have (1) shot me a look that suggested dismemberment, (2) if that didn't work, given me a quiet but very effective Vulcan neck pinch, or (3) in the very rare circumstance that that didn't work, inform me that he had several belts of different shapes, sizes, and colors in his closet at home, one of which would soon be very familiar with my ass. I was a pretty well-behaved kid in public.

Parents, listen the fuck up. If you are the type of people who like to bring your kids out in public, then do everyone else a favor and keep them quiet and well-behaved. Here are some great tips I've recently discovered to help you achieve this rather meager and attainable goal:
  • Generally, don't let your children bring toys to a restaurant.
  • Specifically, don't bring a plastic hammer for your two-year-old boy to play with at a restaurant, and for clarification, by "play with," I mean "bang on the table several times a second for ten minutes in a row without you so much as batting an eye."
  • Stop giving your kid everything it asks for, including a plastic truck to bang against the table.
  • Along those same lines, a plastic truck banging against a table is no less loud or annoying than a plastic hammer.
  • When you are in a public place and your kids are screaming, maybe you could attend to them, or maybe even hit or shake them until they stop annoying the shit out of the nice couple sitting at the table next to you who keep looking at you.
  • When your kids start to sing "If I Had a Hammer" (or any other song, for that matter) at a restaurant, you should maybe tell them to shut their mouths before they get slapped, rather than joining along and encouraging the other adults at your table to join along.
  • This may seem fairly obvious, but a restaurant is not a baseball field. In fact, it's not a field or park of any kind. Thus, simply because a restaurant offers outdoor seating on a sidewalk does not mean that your kids should be attempting to play catch on said sidewalk.
  • Maybe instead of giving the ball back to your kids after the third time you hop over the railing to retrieve it from the street, you could say, "You know what guys, you can play with the ball once we get home."
  • Perhaps instead of encouraging your kids to play catch on a crowded restaurant sidewalk by playing catch with them and saying things like "good throw Conner," you could just not do that.
  • Hire a person to come to your house and watch over your children while you go to dinner, in exchange for monetary compensation.

Mentally exhausted, Jester took a nap when she got home and informed me that I "better be sterile." Around 9:30 we met Gregerson at Paddy Long's for a couple beers, but retired early.

Sunday, Jester, Tracey, Tracey's sister and niece, and I took an architectural boat tour on the Chicago River, by the Chicago Architectural Foundation. It was very informative, even if our docent did pause at weird. Places in his sentences.

Did anyone else see Flight of the Conchords last night? It was (as usual) hilarious. The David Bowie sightings and song were hysterical. Jemaine does a hell of a Bowie impression, and the song was dead on. Check out some video clips here. Meanwhile, here are clips of the first David Bowie dream Bret has and then the song "Bowie's in Space":

This morning on the L I finished reading Take a Walk on the Dark Side: Rock and Roll Myths, Legends, and Curses by R. Gary Patterson. It was a pretty good read, detailing many of rock and roll's most famous (or infamous) deaths, curses, and such, noting various coincidences and explaining the various alternate theories behind certain occurrences and deaths. The only part I didn't buy was a section about numerology. But other than that, it was very interesting, and it's amazing how many things tie together, whether randomly or not. I'm not sure what to read next. Perhaps Hammer of the Gods.

A-Z CDs - Day 53

436. Talking Heads - Sand in the Vaseline: Popular Favorites (last listen: 1-2 years) - A double album greatest hits. I've always loved "Once in a Lifetime." The Berkowitz-inspired "Psycho Killer" is always a fun listen. In retrospect, I would probably go with a one-disc greatest hits, but I got this pretty cheap used.
437. Temple of the Dog - Temple of the Dog (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - One of the better CDs that didn't make it to Dubai. Temple of the Dog, of course, is grunge's most famous super group, forming in 1990 for one album to pay tribute to their recently deceased friend, Mother Love Bone's lead singer Andrew Wood (as far as I know, no relation to the Pi Kapp or the kid who went to law school with me who share the same name). The group was comprised of Soundgarden's Chris Cornell and Matt Cameron (who would later join Pearl Jam) and former Mother Love Bone members Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard, as well as Mike McCready and a guy named Eddie Vedder (who provided backing vocals on a few tracks and shared the lead on "Hunger Strike") who had recently joined Ament, Gossard, and McCready's new band, Pearl Jam. The whole album is good, and doesn't sound as "grungy" as you would expect. "Hunger Strike" is still as powerful of a song as it was when I first heard it. Cornell's screaming and Vedder's deeper drone complement each other perfectly. Other than "Hunger Strike," I enjoy "Pushin' Forward Back," "Times of Trouble," and "Say Hello 2 Heaven."
438. The Temptations/The Four Tops - Back to Back (last listen: 5+ years) - A good half-and-half CD with hits from the Temps and the Tops.
439. Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak (last listen: 0-3 months) - Probably the most famous band whose lead singer is a black Irish bassist, Thin Lizzy is an underrated band. Sounding more like American southern rock than from across the pond, they were one of the pioneers of the twin guitar sound. Lead singer Phil Lynott's songwriting is along the same storytelling style as Van Morrison or Bob Seger (they covered Seger's "Rosalie" for their 1975 album, Fighting), although Thin Lizzy is a little more hard rocking than those two, having a pretty solid influence on the New Wave of British Heavy Metal. This album features their two biggest hits, "The Boys Are Back In Town" and "Jailbreak." "Cowboy Song" is another great song off this one.
440. Thin Lizzy - Johnny the Fox (last listen: 0-3 months) - "Don't Believe a Word" is my favorite Thin Lizzy song, essentially telling a girl "if I happen to tell you 'I love you,' I'm lying my ass off." "Johnny" is also a good song, and I like "Fools Gold" and "Massacre" as well.
441. Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind (last listen: 5+ years) - As Yeh once said, "If you had a third eye blind, how would you know?" This album brings back good memories of hanging out with the crew on McClure's back deck just about every summer night during the 1997-1999 summers, drinking various spirits, inhaling various substances, cracking each other up, and generally having a hell of a good time. Ahhh, college summers. Take me back.
442. George Thorogood and The Destroyers - The Baddest Of (last listen: 2-5 years) - I always forget about this CD. It's pretty good. I love their cover of John Lee Hooker's "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer," which I think is better than the original, mostly due to all the added back story ("I had to tell the landlady I done lost my job" and so forth). Also on this album are the band's other big hits: "Bad to the Bone," "Move It On Over," "I Drink Alone," and "Who Do You Love?" (a solid Bo Diddley cover).
443. Top Gun (soundtrack) (last listen: 1-2 years) - Great soundtrack to a great movie that has given me so much in life, namely a Halloween costume idea for as long as I can stay somewhat skinny.
444. Township - EP (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - I got this CD by emailing the band and asking for it (it's #108 of 200). The lead singer is the former lead singer of Runner and The Thermodynamics (#395-396), and Township picks up where Runner left off. The songs are awesome, harkening back to '70s rock. Unfortunately they play mainly in Boston and New York, so I have not yet had a chance to see them. Check out their MySpace page for some of their songs.

Friday, July 20, 2007

A-Z CDs - Day 52

428. Stone Temple Pilots - Core (last listen: 1-2 years) - When I got my first CD player on my 16th birthday instead of a car, this was one of the three accompanying CDs. From the opening line, "I am smelling like a rose on my birthday deathbed," to the last note, this album is great. "Plush" is probably my favorite song of the '90s, bringing back memories of my meteoric rise from second-string DB to first-string WR in sophomore football. "Wicked Garden" is great too, as are "Sex Type Thing," "Creep," "Dead and Bloated," and "Crackerman."
429. Stone Temple Pilots - Purple (last listen: 5+ years) - A pretty solid follow-up to Core, this one features "Vaseline," "Interstate Love Song," "Unglued," and "Big Empty" (featured in The Crow).
430. The Strokes - Is This It? (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - With "Last Nite," The Strokes officially ushered in the garage rock revival (although technically The White Stripes were doing it first). This album is fantastic, harkening early punk, classic garage rock, Velvet Underground, and just plain rock and roll. "Hard to Explain" is my favorite song off the album. "Someday" is great. "Barely Legal" is great. Hell, the whole album is great. Buy it if you don't already have it.
431. The Strokes - Room On Fire (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - Their sophomore album didn't get as much publicity or have as much success as Is This It, but I like it a lot. It's very Cars influenced and very catchy. I've always like the opening line of the album: "I want to be forgotten, and I don't want to be reminded." "Reptilia" is a nice fast-paced song. "Meet Me In the Bathroom" is a fair depiction of my life. "Under Control" is a pretty cool song. "I Can't Win" is a good, too, and is probably an even more fair depiction of my life than "Meet Me In the Bathroom."
432. The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth (last listen: 0-3 months) - Their latest release. Good shit.
433. Sugar Ray - Floored (last listen: 5+ years) - Aside from "Fly," this album is full of punk/metal, which isn't all that great. However, I will say that Mark McGrath is the greatest Rock 'N' Roll Jeopardy player I've ever seen. He would definitely make the top ten list of Celebrities I Wish Were My Neighbors.
434. Sugar Ray - 14:59 (last listen: 2-5 years) - With 14:59 (a clever little statement that they thought their 15 minutes of fame were about up), Sugar Ray turned exclusively to what made them famous with "Fly": catchy pop songs. "Someday," "Every Morning," and "Falls Apart" received solid airplay. The whole album is good.
435. Supagroup - Supagroup (last listen: 2-5 years) - AC/DC meets the Black Crowes with these southern rockers. It's just good, old-fashioned ball-busting rock and roll.

A-Z CDs - Day 51

419. Soundgarden - Superunknown (last listen: 5+ years) - "Black Hole Sun," "Fell On Black Days," and "Spoonman" made this album a hit back in '94.
420. The Spinners - Very Best Of (last listen: 5+ years) - "I'll Be Around" ("whenever you call me, I'll be there / whenever you want me, I'll be there . . ."), "Could It Be I'm Falling in Love," "Then Came You" (with Dionne Warwick), "They Just Can't Stop It The (Games People Play)," and their cover of the Four Seasons' "Working My Way Back To You" are probably the most popular songs from this soul group who had a pretty solid string of hits in the '70s. I am also a fan of "It's a Shame."
421. Bruce Springsteen - The Wild, The Innocent & The E Street Shuffle (last listen: 0-3 months) - This is the second album from The Boss. "Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)" is my favorite Springsteen song. Overall, it's an okay album. My main beef with it is that the shortest song is 4:31, and there are four (of eight) songs over 7 minutes. It's a good album, but not great, like . . .
422. Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - Springsteen's third album broke him into superstardom, and rightfully so. This is easily one of the top five American albums of all-time, in my opinion. The songs are impassioned, fueled by a frantic "I have to get the fuck out of here right now or else I'm gonna be stuck here forever" attitude, showcasing Springsteen's excellent songwriting ability. The title track and "Thunder Road" are the most well-known songs off the album, and the latter is probably my second favorite Springsteen song (I love the line "You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright"). "Night" is an awesome song, as is "Backstreets," and "Jungleland" is a flowing 9 1/2 minute epic about gang violence with a sweet sax solo by Clarence Clemons. You should own this album.
423. Bruce Springsteen - Born in the U.S.A. (last listen: 1-2 years) - If you were alive in the '80s, you know how huge this album is. Between the title track, "Dancing in the Dark," "Cover Me," "I'm on Fire," "Glory Days" (my third favorite Springsteen song), "I'm Goin' Down," and "My Hometown," the album spawned 7 Top 10 hits. "Working on the Highway" is catchy, as is "No Surrender." And of course there's also "Darlington County," which The Dark Horse Pub picked as the theme for Chicago's 2016 Olympic bid.
424. Bruce Springsteen - Greatest Hits (last listen: 1-2 years) - "Badlands" is my favorite song off of this one that I don't have on other albums.
425. Sponge - Rotting PiƱata (last listen: never) - Another CD that didn't make it to Dubai. This is Sponge's debut, featuring their lone hit, "Plowed." The rest of the CD is mediocre grunge.
426. Sponge - Wax Ecstatic (last listen: never) - Apparently Australian architects who move to Dubai aren't huge fans of early Sponge. I was reading one of the reviews of this album on Amazon, and this gem appeared: "By the time Velveteen comes around you'll find yourself feeling sorry for the transvestite protagonist, trust me." He's right.
427. Stillwater - Stillwater (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - Stillwater is, of course, led by guitarist Russell Hammond and lead singer Jeff Bebe (formerly of the Jeff Bebe Band). This six-song compilation features some of their biggest hits. "Fever Dog" was their huge hit, providing the impetus for their 1973 Rolling Stone cover story by then-unknown journalist William Miller, who was only 15 at the time. "Chance Upon Me" is another solid song. "Love Thing" (which may or may not have been written about Hammond's groupie girlfriend, Penny Lane), "You Had To Be There," "Hour of Need," and "Love Comes and Goes" are all good, too. Interestingly, many of Stillwater's songs were written or co-written by Heart's Nancy Wilson, Humble Pie's Peter Frampton, and/or director/producer/writer Cameron Crowe.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A-Z CDs - Day 50

412. Simon & Garfunkel - Greatest Hits (last listen: 2-5 years)
413. Frank Sinatra - Greatest Hits (last listen: 1-2 years) - The Chairman of the Board. Everyone should have some Sinatra in their collection.
414. Skid Row - Skid Row (last listen: 0-3 months) - An awesome debut from these guys. Sebastian Bach wails like few others can (hell, he’s headlined on Broadway), but my favorite was bassist Rachel Bolan, who had a chain going from his earring to his nose ring. I vividly remember when I originally bought this on tape, back in the summer of 1989, from Beautiful Day Records in LaGrange. I was staying at the DeMuth household for a couple weeks while my parents were either on a trip around the world or in rehab or both. Later in the day (after I bought the tape), Jeremy and I watched The Shining for the first time. About halfway through, I was sufficiently freaked out that I went upstairs and listened to Skid Row while playing Nintendo (most likely Wizards & Warriors). Aside from “Youth Gone Wild,” “18 and Life,” and “I Remember You,” this album has several lesser known gems, such as “Big Guns,” “Here I Am,” and “Makin’ a Mess.” “Talk is cheap, and so is she” from “Rattlesnake Shake” is one of my favorite hair band lyrics.
415. Sly & The Family Stone - Greatest Hits (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - A solid collection from an underrated ‘60s juggernaut.
416. Will Smith - Big Willie Style (last listen: 5+ years)
417. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Doggystyle (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - What a great album. Behind NWA’s Straight Outta Compton, this is my favorite rap album. My favorites off the album are “Ain’t No Fun,” “Gin & Juice,” and “Tha Shiznit.” If you’re lickin’, that’s WBALLS.
418. Soul Asylum - Grave Dancers Union (last listen: 0-3 months)

New Poll

Last week I unveiled a new feature on GMYH, the sidebar poll. Thanks to your help, we determined the answer to the age-old question: Would you rather have (1) sex with Paris Hilton, (2) sex with Bea Arthur, or (3) AIDS? The results reveal that t-cells are less important to you than dignity. In a surprise victory, 38% chose AIDS, 33% chose Bea Arthur, and 27% of you chose Paris Hilton. Thank you to the 18 of you who voted.

This week's poll question is courtesy of Greg Weeser*, who text messaged me this question: Who's hotter, Hannah Montana, Kim Possible, or Erin Esurance? The poll is up, and you have 7 days to weigh in.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Lovitz for President

Friday night I had the pleasure of driving Jessie, Ari, and Kyla to the Tim McGraw/Faith Hill concert at the United Center. At least, that was the plan. The show started at 7:30, and I had a softball game at 7:15. Foolishly believing that I would be able to make it there and back in 45 minutes, we left at 6:30. About halfway there, it was already 6:55, so I just dropped them off at Ashland and Division and turned around to go to my game, arriving with about 3 minutes to spare.

Whether it was the lack of a warm-up or not, Vandaley Industries suffered its first loss of the season, and I can honestly say that I offered nothing. My softball futility continues. I went 0-3, reaching on 2 fielder's choices, and scoring a run. While I didn't pop out to the pitcher, my other at bat was equally as pathetic: a foul out. You see, hitting a foul with 2 strikes equals an out in our league. I know what you're thinking: "GMYH, surely your foul out was a spectacular towering shot -- not unlike Albert Pujols's shot off of Brad Lidge in Game 6 of the 2005 NLCS that prompted Andy Pettitte to utter "Oh my God" -- landing just outside the left field line somewhere between 500 and 600 feet from the plate, perhaps even interrupting the kickball game being played at the far end of the field." Thanks for the vote of confidence, fair reader, but my foul out was anything but spectacular. In fact, "pathetic" really doesn't even do it justice. It was one of those where I got under the ball in such a way as to send it about 10 feet in front of the plate, only to come spinning backwards, treading a violent path across the third base line. I'm hoping to strike out next week.

After the game, I went home, drew a bath, and wept forcefully for several hours while waiting for Jessie to return from the concert so that I might lose myself in her tender, enveloping, bear-like arms. Instead of receiving a hug from Jessie, I received a text message from Jeremy "Floppy Burrito" DeMuth inquiring as to whether I wanted to go out for a pint of ale. Still sick from my performance and feeling dehydrated from the intermittent vomiting, I tentatively explained that I would do it, but only on my terms. Thus, a little bit before midnight -- after I had dried my eyes and wiped the dried, crusted stains of failure from my face and clothes -- I met Jer at Paddy Long's, the new bar at Diversey and Kenmore where Lawry's used to be.

Paddy Long's is pretty nice, although the rotting carcass of a goat would be nice compared to Lawry's. Alex happened to be there as well, so Jester and Kyla met us there, after which we all went to Los Tres Panchos for some well-deserved Mexican food. I tempted fate by eating a small portion of guacamole. As far as I know, the dreaded "bowling ball stomach" did not show its face, unless it happened when I was sleeping, but I fail to see how I could sleep through a bowling ball making its way through my digestive system. I'm still skeptical as to whether or not I have beaten my avocado allergy, and I am wary to push the issue.

I think Saturday is best expressed with bullet points featuring the day's highlights:
  • Around 11, I went over to Gregerson's for a pre-Astros/Cubs-game BBQ.
  • We had bleacher seats -- my first time in the bleachers -- and I wore an orange Astros shirt, complemented by an orange early '80s Astros batting helmet (thanks FanPhoto for allowing me to take a screen shot of your photo without paying for it).
  • I hope to one day purchase the 1980 Nolan Ryan jersey, which represents the greatest achievement in Major League Baseball jerseys.
  • Attempts to meet up with former co-worker Andy "ATPW" White were unsuccessful, as we were on opposite sides of the bleachers.
  • After the game, I was informed that going out would jeopardize the existence of my junk, so I headed home, where Jessie was happy to know that I had been drinking. To calm her down, I put on some Thin Lizzy and put a t-shirt on Harley.
  • I'm not exactly sure why, but I recall singing the praises of Mary Steenburgen. I believe I called her "adorable" several times. To make things clear, Mary Steenburgen was not in my apartment.
  • I received word via text message and possibly mobile phone that Adam "Troy" McClure and Anton Szandor "Tony" Zumpano would be entering the city limits for the purpose of imbibing spirits.
  • I met Adam and Tony at Paddy Long's (twice in two days!).
  • From there, we went up to Uberstein to meet one of Adam's buddies, Brian. At Uberstein, I finally answered the question to the age-old question: Can Tony drink a liter of Hofbrau Dunkel? The answer was decidedly "no." I can, however.
  • From there, it was the Merkle's, but that wasn't doing it for us, so we went to Bar Celona to meet up with Adam's buddy Scott, who had been there for a bachelor party. On their way out, the strippers passed us on our way down to the basement. That's about right. The basement was then opened to the general public. For some reason, a girl approached me, probably attracted to the overpowering scent of Jovan Sex Appeal. Here's how the conversation went:
    Her: Hi.
    Me: Hey baby.
    Her: Where are you from?
    Me: About a mile down the road. You?
    Her: I used to live up here, but I didn't like it, so I moved home.
    Me: Where's home?
    Her: Dayton, Ohio.
    Me: I used to live in Dayton.
    Her: Where?
    Me: Kettering and then downtown.
    Her: I went to Fairmont High School.
    Me: I used to live across the street from Fairmont High School.
    (uninteresting discussion of Kettering, Ohio geography ensues)
    Me: So, you said you didn't like Chicago? How is that possible?
    Her: I just graduated from college in May, but I just didn't like it, so I moved home after a month.
    Me: That's funny. I've never met someone in their 20s who hated living in Chicago. Wait, did you say you just graduated from college?
    Her: Yeah.
    Me: I think that means you were still in high school when I lived across the street from Fairmont.

    Aaaaannnnnd scene. I immediately text messaged Tron and Ashcraft to explain that I just met some chick that went to Fairmont when we lived at Blue Gate. Tron's response was "Was she a cheerleader? Do u have a pic? I might recognize her" and Ashcraft's response was "Did she remember u?..." Upon further review, I moved into Blue Gate a few months after she graduated high school, but Tron, Ashcraft, and Jamie definitely lived at Blue Gate during some of this average-looking girl's high school years.
  • After getting the hell out of Bar Celona, Adam, Tony, and I headed to Kirkwood for a couple beers, and we all agreed that, despite it's affiliation with IU, it's not really an IU bar.

For breakfast, Jester and I headed to La Creperie for some crepes. I immediately came up with a great new slogan for them: "La Creperie Gives Me the Crepes" (© 2007 GMYH). It sells itself. More generally, "French Pastry Chefs Give Me the Crepes" (© 2007 GMYH) works on a variety of levels, most notably Level 4 (Puns). All joking aside, it was pretty good. I had assumed there was a limited variety of foodstuffs you could put in a crepe. Indeed, their menu leads to the opposite conclusion. Fearing retribution from Tyr, however, I stuck with Nutella.

After creping ourselves out, Jester and I had a crabwalk race back home. As usual, she beat me by about 12 furlongs. When I got home, I finally broke in and watched some of this year's World Series of Pop Culture. I was boycotting the WSOPC, after Sink the Biz's unceremonious dismissal from the preliminary qualifying rounds. The team Three Men and a Little Lazy was one of the top 3 groups from our testing group. I didn't like them then, and I don't like them now. Watching the WSOPC made me even more bitter about not making it past the qualifying round. I found myself (as usual) knowing nearly every answer. For those wondering, the questions on the qualifying test were somewhat harder than the questions on the show, at least for the most part.

So last week Jon Lovitz beat up Andy Dick (thanks to Tradd for the link). The man took Andy Dick's head and repeatedly slammed it into a bar. I assume his Congressional Gold Medal and Presidential Medal of Freedom are forthcoming. I can think of no other act more deserving of the highest civilian award bestowed by Congress and the President, respectively. Maybe that chick a few years ago who set the world record for most guys banged in a 24-hour period.

A-Z CDs - Day 49

406. The Brian Setzer Orchestra - The Dirty Boogie (last listen: 2-5 years) - Another huge part of the swing revival of the mid to late '90s. Setzer, of course, was the lead singer and guitarist of the Stray Cats. The big hit off this was the cover of Louis Prima's jump blues classic, "Jump, Jive An' Wail." Other highlights include the toe-tapping "Switchblade 327" and covers of The Skyliners' "Since I Don't Have You," Santo and Johnny's instrumental "Sleepwalk," and the Stray Cats' "Rock This Town."
407. Seven Mary Three - American Standard (last listen: never) - Yet another CD that didn't make it to the United Arab Emirates. It sounds a LOT like White Zombie and/or Rob Zombie, which isn't a bad thing, but the resemblance is uncanny. Holy shit, I'm an idiot. I just got to song number 8, which is "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie. Thus, the CD that was placed in the Seven Mary Three CD case by the Australian architect who left a bevy of CDs behind when he moved to Dubai is NOT Seven Mary Three's American Standard, but actually White Zombie's Astro-Creep: 2000. Now it all makes sense: the thunderous beats, the dark b-horror movie inspired lyrics, the lead singer named Rob Zombie. This actually turned out much better than I would have hoped, since I was kind of dreading having to suffer through Seven Mary Three, especially after yesterday's Schonsheck Debacle. And for those of you wondering, the name of the band and the name of the album are NOT on the CD itself, and the albums were released in the same year, so the "© 1995" was no help.
408. The Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - Released the day before I was born, this is probably the most famous album in punk history and was the band's only album. Other than "Anarchy in the UK" and "God Save the Queen," I quite enjoy "No Feelings," "Bodies" ("It's not an animal / It's an abortion"), "Pretty Vacant," "Seventeen," and "EMI." "Sub-Mission" served as a direct influence on many of the early songs I wrote and/or improvised for Cervical Implosion, including, but not limited to, "Burning Urination," "Should've Used a Hanger, Bitch," and "Syphilis Bitch."
409. Shaft (soundtrack) (last listen: 5+ years) - Isaac Hayes laid down a nice funky, jazzy, and soulful score. Has there ever been a better movie theme than "Theme from Shaft"? I don't think so. You know that cat Shaft is a bad mother--shut your mouth. I'm just talkin' 'bout Shaft.
410. Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Ledbetter Heights (last listen: 2-5 years) - The 1995 debut album from then-18-year-old blues virtuoso guitarist Kenny Wayne Shepherd is a good buy for anyone who is into the blues. I saw him on the old VH1 show Crossroads when I was in high school and he was 17, and I couldn't believe some skinny kid with shoulder-length blond hair (who was only a few months older than me) could play a guitar with that much soul. Comparisons to Stevie Ray Vaughan are legit. I've seen Shepherd live a few times, and he is unbelievable. I saw him open up for Dylan my freshman year at IU, and he blew Dylan out of the water (not that Dylan is a great showman). "Aberdeen," "Deja Voodoo," and "One Foot on the Path" are my favorites off the album.
411. Shout Out Louds - Howl Howl Gaff Gaff (last listen: 1-2 years) - A solid album from these Swedish garage rockers. "Hurry Up Let's Go," "The Comeback," and "Oh Sweetheart" are my favorites.

Monday, July 16, 2007

A-Z CDs - Day 48

395. Runner & The Thermodynamics - Runner & The Thermodynamics (last listen: 0-3 months) - This is another band that I'm pissed didn't make it big. It didn't help that they broke up, but whatever. This album is straight-ahead rock and roll, or "original classic rock," as they call it. "Powerlines" and "The Dude's Old Lady" are my favorite two off this album. Marc Pinansky, the lead singer went on to form Township, which has yet to release a full album, but has a sweet EP that I should be getting to this week or next week.
396. Runner & The Thermodynamics - The Dude (last listen: 0-3 months) - This was Runner's second album that was only released on their now-defunct website. "In Your Eyes" (not the Peter Gabriel song) is my favorite off this one.
397. Sam and Dave - Greatest Songs (last listen: 5+ years) - Like the Platters' CD that I was duped into buying (see #351), this CD does not contain the original versions of the songs. Unfortunately, Amazon.com was not around when I bought it, so I didn't have the benefit of reading consumer reviews. Sam sounds like Steve Winwood. "Soul Man" is off. "Hold On, I'm Comin'" doesn't have the same pizzazz as the original version. It does have a couple covers of other soul songs ("Mustang Sally," "Sweet Soul Music," "Land of 1000 Dances"), but that doesn't really make this worth purchasing.
398. Santana - Santana (last listen: 1-2 years) - Santana's eponymous debut is a good one. As expected, Latin beats, searing guitar licks, pounding electric organs, and percussion aplenty highlight this album. "Soul Sacrifice" and "Treat" are my favorites off this album.
399. Santana - Abraxas (last listen: 1-2 years) - We all know "Black Magic Woman" and "Oye Como Va," but Santana's second album offers so much more. "Mother's Daughter," "Hope You're Feeling Better," and "Samba Pa Ti" are my favorites off this one.
400. Santana - Santana (III) (last listen: 1-2 years) - "I Ain't Got Nobody That I Can Depend On," "Jungle Strut," and "Everything's Coming Our Way" are my favorites off of this, their third album.
401. Santana - Supernatural (last listen: 5+ years) - This was, of course, Santana's gigantic Grammy-winning hit album in 1999, featuring collaborations with Eric Clapton, Rob Thomas, Everlast, Dave Matthews, Wyclef, and Lauryn Hill, among others. There are also some non-collaborations. I like "Migra" and "Maria Maria." The album does drag on a bit.
402. Saturday Night Fever (soundtrack) (last listen: 5+ years) - Disco abounds in this double-disc Bee Gees-heavy soundtrack. It used to be the best selling soundtrack of all-time, and as far as I'm concerned, it still is (since The Bodyguard and Titanic might actually be worse movies than Saturday Night Fever, or so I assume, since I've only seen Titanic once and not the other two). Obviously "Stayin' Alive" and "Night Fever" are solid. Other highlights are the Brothers Gibb's "Jive Talkin'," The Trammps's "Disco Inferno," KC & The Sunshine Band's "Boogie Shoes," Kool & The Gang's "Open Sesame," and The Tavares's version of "More Than a Woman" (but not the Bee Gees version).
403. Wil Schonsheck - Every Single Day (last listen: never) - This dude worked for an insurance company gave a presentation about various insurance options (I think) at my old firm in Dayton, and then handed out his own Christian music CDs afterward. I don't know why I took one. There's 35 minutes and 22 seconds I'll never get back. Praise Jesus.
404. The Scorpions - 20th Century Masters (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - A welcome listen after what I am now referring to as The Schonsheck Debacle. I love "The Zoo." Obviously, their other hits are solid too ("Rock You Like a Hurricane," "Rhythm of Love," "Big City Nights," "Wind Of Change," "No One Like You").
405. Semisonic - Feeling Strangely Fine (last listen: never) - This is one of several CDs I commandeered from my brother's dormant CD collection when I was home last Sunday, since I'm pretty sure he hasn't listened to it in nearly 10 years. "Closing Time" was the big song off this one. Other than that, it's fairly mellow rock, reminiscent of Ben Folds Five.

Friday, July 13, 2007

"Always Choose Paper Over Lamps"

Happy Friday the 13th, you paraskevidekatriaphobic bastards. Long live the Knights Templar.

Coming to America
So all the buzz these days is that David and Victoria Beckham have officially moved to the States. I'm sure you've all seen the cover of W magazine .

Does anyone else think Victoria Beckham has been turned into a Stepford Wife? These days she's looking more like a FemBot then the Posh Spice I knew and fantasized vividly about. Notice the progression. The first is Spice Girls era. The second is circa 2001, proclaiming her love for Dior via t-shirt. The third is last month's Spice Girls reunion (transformation complete):

Granted, she has perky breasts, but you would too if your mammary glands housed the shortened barrels of AK-47s. I'm guessing she didn't breast feed Cruz, and possibly not Romeo or Brooklyn either, depending on when an evil organization with a clever acronym (probably V.E.N.O.M. or MAD) transformed her into a cyborg. I imagine her saying things like "Gladiators are the new black," "Toothpaste makes your teeth white like a tiger's," "Traffic lights are tomorrow's lovers," "I am a Peloponnesian mercenary, though thought not to be," and "Art is my cigarette. I enjoy it only after orgasm." I also assume her diet now consists of only scraps of leather, mesquite chips, and handles of Ketel One.

Where's Danny DeVito and Arnold?
This is one of the best pictures I've seen in a long time.

As you can see, it shows the world's tallest man, Bao Xishun (7'9"), shaking hands with Pingping (2'4"), who resembles a cross between a shorter, balder, younger Mark Linn-Baker and Dustin Hoffman. Pingping is apparently 19 and is applying for the Guinness World Record as the world's shortest man. Pingping. The mini man's name is Pingping. Sometimes God writes your jokes for you. I would love to see Bao dunk Pingping.

There's a new link on the sidebar to a site called TShirtsVille. It has a plethora of t-shirts from bands, TV shows, movies, cartoons, and more. I have the Black Sabbath Encore heather t-shirt on the way.

A-Z CDs - Day 47

389. The Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers (last listen: 0-3 months) - Favorite songs: "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" (which might have the most badass opening guitar riff of all-time), "Moonlight Mile," "Sway," "Dead Flowers" (I chose four because this is my favorite Stones album)
390. The Rolling Stones - Hot Rocks: Best Of 1964-1971 (last listen: 2-5 years) - "Honky Tonk Women," "19th Nervous Breakdown"
391. The Rolling Stones - Exile on Main St. (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - "Let It Loose," "Casino Boogie"
392. The Rolling Stones - Some Girls (last listen: 2-5 years) - "Beast of Burden," "Some Girls"
393. The Rolling Stones - Tattoo You (last listen: 2-5 years) - "Little T&A," "Waiting on a Friend"
394. The Rolling Stones - 40 Licks (last listen: 2-5 years) - "It's All Over Now," "The Last Time"

Thursday, July 12, 2007

King Konga Update

Apparently my A-Z CDs Day 31 featuring King Konga made its way to Google, as web pages have a tendency to do. I got an email a week and a half ago (shows you how often I check the GMYH Yahoo account) from Dave Crist, King Konga's former manager. Here's what he had to say:

Hey... it is really cool to read things about Konga like on your blog!

Every now and then I do a Google search on them and I am always so glad to find stuff like your post out there!

I was Konga's manager (and road dog, sound guy, you name it) for those years when they were playing Little Five and I remember that we always had an AMAZING time there.

FYI: Dan is producing music in Atlanta now, Steve is touring with a guy named Trent Tomlinson, Tony just recently had a little girl and lives in southern MS still teaching at a school, and Skeeto and still playing drums professionally.

Hope you are well. Thanks for 'taking me back' for a bit...

'old school' Dave Crist

(Dan) http://www.vintagesong.com/whoweare/danhannon.htm
(Steve) http://myspace.com/shinybass
(Tony) http://www.petalbands.com/
(Skeeto) http://blog.myspace.com/thebrothersgroove
(me) ( 8D) http://www.davecrist.com/

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 7/12/07

After a lengthy hiatus, Midwestern Eavesdropping is back. Here you go:

Twenty-five year-old special ed teacher discussing the masters degree in education administration that she is currently working on: "Husband, there are a million things I will be able to do with my degree. Things you could only dream of."
--Chicago, IL
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Future Lawyer 1: "I couldn't even see straight last night. I tried to do some contracts essays and just had to quit."
Future Lawyer 2: "No shit, man. Tim and I were doing practice questions for like two hours and we were just like, 'fuck it' and sparked a joint."
--Chicago, Chicago Kent School of Law, Clinton & Adams

Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething female to another, in concert parking lot: "Why don't you squat by the bus? I got toilet paper."
--Tinley Park, IL, outside First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre after Def Leppard concert
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Woman says to her friend as the waiter stops to check on them: "Ooh. Nothing like a little beefcake with lunch."
--Westmont, IL, Moondance Diner
Eavesdropper: Shigeta

Director's assistant setting up Jay Mohr:
Production assistant: "Jay, they're calling for you on set."
Director's assistant: "Yeah, you're tardy."
Jay Mohr: "I don't feel tardy."
--Los Angeles
Eavesdropper: Weez

Male: "Hey Angie, have you ever had sex with Benny and not cried?"
Female: "No."
--Somewhere between Chicago and Tinley Park, IL, on a bus
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Sweatpants guy on the phone: "When? Oh, Friday? ... No, no... it's just ... what? Yeah--no, it's not that, it's just that Friday is my grooming day."
--Chicago, parking garage, North & Larrabee

Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething male: "It's like a secret, only I can't tell anyone"
Eavesdropper: Ari

Twenty-five year-old special ed teacher: "I feel like I'm gonna have a lazy eye."
--Chicago, IL
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Female 1 to Female 2, who is walking by Female 1 on a bus: "Put your butt in my face."
--Somewhere between Chicago and Tinley Park, IL, on a bus

Eavesdropper: GMYH

Shirtless fat guy in the bleachers is dancing to Village People's "YMCA":
Cougar: "Damn, that guy's tits are bigger than mine!"
20something male: "Prove it!"
20something female: "Let's see the evidence!"
(Cougar quickly flashes onlookers)
20something male looks away, winces: "She's right. His are bigger."
20something female cracking open peanuts: "Perkier too. Less sag in his bags."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison

Eavesdropper: RobD

At 3am, a guy is talking on his cell phone, standing next to his buddy, who is passed out on a lawn, sucking his thumb: "Can I come hang out with you? (pause) Can I come hang out with you? (pause) Wait, you don't have a boyfriend, do you?"
--Chicago, somewhere on Wrightwood between Halsted and Sheffield
Eavesdropper: RDC

Group of four guys runs into group of three girls they presumably know:
Bikini Girl: "What are you guys up to?"
Guy 1: "Probably going to go to Castaways for a little while. Maybe volleyball later."
Bikini Girl: "In jeans?"
Guy 1: "Um, yeah. In jeans."
(awkward pause)
Guy 2: "Hey, um, did we like, do anything stupid last night?"
--Chicago, North Avenue Beach

Eavesdropper: RobD

In the men's restroom at a strip club at 2:00AM on a Thursday night, an early thirties male on his cell phone at the urinal: "I just wanted to give you a call and let you know I am home...(pause)...YES, I am at home."
--Chicago, VIPs
Eavesdropper: Klank

Two rednecks walk down concourse at outdoor concert venue:
Redneck 1: "I can't believe you whipped it out."
Redneck 2: "Yeah, whatever."
--Tinley Park, IL, First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre, Def Leppard concert
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk Guy: "You guys come all the way from San Diego for this?"
Padres Fan: "Yeah, we figured we'd take a vacation, catch some sun."
Drunk Guy: "What the fuck is a Padre anyway? Some kind of Spanish pancake?"
Padres Fan: "No, it's a Spanish... um, father."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison

Eavesdropper: RobD

And as usual, here are a couple things that aren't technically Midwestern Eavesdropping, but still worthy of inclusion:
A late 20s male with what I presumed to be his girlfriend, wearing a t-shirt from Wisconsin Dells with a character on the back wearing a hardhat and stating "Hold My Hammer While I Nail Your Girlfriend."
--Chicago, Grant Park, July 3
Eavesdropper: Trashton

Waiting for a bus, an early twenties male, carrying a 6-8 month old child and singing a lullaby: "Tipsy" (Errybody in the club gettin' tipsy) by J-Kwon.
--Chicago, Dearborn & Monroe
Eavesdropper: Trashton

Thanks to everyone who submitted eavesdroppings. Keep up the good work. As always, when you overhear something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

A-Z CDs - Day 46

380. Otis Redding - The Ultimate Otis Redding (last listen: 1-2 years) - This has many of the same songs as the Very Best Of (#379), but a few that it didn't.
381. R.E.M. - Monster (last listen: never) - Another Dubai refugee. I don't really like R.E.M. all that much.
382. The Replacements - Let It Be (last listen: 3 months to 1 year) - Rockin' album from the kings of the '80s Minneapolis alt/punk scene. Some songs are fast, some are slow, most are tongue-in-cheek, and they're all pretty catchy. My favorites are "Favorite Thing," "We're Coming Out," "Androgynous," and "Answering Machine." And of course "Gary's Got a Boner" is one of the best song titles of all-time and includes the line "Gary's got a soft-on."
383. Reservoir Dogs (soundtrack) (last listen: 5+ years) - A great soundtrack, supplemented by Steven Wright's monotone voice (as the DJ in the movie).
384. The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody: The Very Best Of (last listen: 1-2 years) - Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield, though not actually brothers, were blue-eyed soul at its best. Medley's booming baritone and Hatfield's ethereal and soulful tenor combined for one of the more powerful singing duos in history, at least in my mind. There's something about their songs that hits home, whether it's the singing, Phil Spector's production, or the image of a ghost nailing his wife at a pottery wheel. "Soul and Inspiration" is my favorite song of theirs. I get goosebumps whenever Medley kicks in with the "Babaayyyy! I can't make it without you!" after the spoken-word part by Hatfield in the middle of the song. Obviously "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" and "Unchained Melody" are classics. "Just Once in My Life" is also good, as are "Little Latin Lupe Lu" and "Go Ahead and Cry."
385. Rock Star (soundtrack) (last listen: 0-3 months) - In addition to songs by Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Kiss, Ted Nugent, INXS, Everclear, and Verve Pipe, this soundtrack features six songs by Steel Dragon, which of course is the band in the movie. The musicians who recorded the Steel Dragon songs have solid hard rock backgrounds. The lead singers (depending on whether it's Izzy Cole or Bobby Beers singing) are Michael Matijevic (Steelheart) and Jeff Scott Soto (formerly singer for Yngwie Malmsteen and, from 2006-2007, for Journey), the guitarist is Zakk Wylde (Black Label Society and lead guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne for nearly 20 years), the bassist is Jeff Pilson (Dokken, and currently Foreigner), and the drummer is Jason Bonham (son of John, and currently in Foreigner). Plus Steel Dragon's songs were written by the likes of Sammy Hagar, Ritchie Blackmore, Ronny James Dio, Desmond Child, Twiggy (as in the former bassist for Marilyn Manson, not the '60s supermodel), as well as Matijevic, Pilson, and Wylde.
[Note: As with The Beatles, I'll just list my favorite couple songs off each Rolling Stones album rather than discuss their more than obvious importance.]
386. The Rolling Stones - Aftermath (last listen: 1-2 years) - Favorite songs: "Paint It, Black," "Stupid Girl"
387. The Rolling Stones - Beggars Banquet (last listen: 3 months to 1 years) - Favorite songs: "Salt of the Earth," "Jigsaw Puzzle"